Settled Dust yet?
Monday, August 30, 2010At the start, they are all nodding dogs; "Yes" to everything; embracing your everything; "Okay" with your doings; all little YES-men. Then as time passes (or maybe after getting the girl), they go; you are not allowed to do this; not allowed to do that; why are you like this?; don't be this; don't be that; all COMPLAIN PIGS. Tell me, are all guys like that? or is it a prevailing characteristic of only Singaporean BOYS?
I was all ready to blast blast BLAST about all those MCPSs out there...but I shall be AT PEACE..Thanks to this quote (which I read of someone else's blog)..
Noticing a single shortcoming in ourselves is far more useful than seeing a thousand in someone else. When it is our own: we can correct it. ~ Dalai Lama
I am sorry for everything that ramped up your emotions and tears. I know I am responsible for it. As much as I will like to promise you, I will not do so (for now). Because I know as of now, I will not be able to uphold this promise, and will only end up disappointing you again with empty words. I can and will assure you that I will take care of myself no matter what. I know where is the line, and will not go overboard. I am probably the most stubborn and naughtiest gf you ever have till date, but I do not love you any less in comparison, trust me on that.
When I told you that I will be going to China with my family over the new year holiday, you understood it was important to me and was seemingly okay, but I know you were emo about it. Like you, I am not looking forward to missing our 1st new year countdown together, but I am definitely looking forward to holidaying with my beloved family. Because of school, you, friends..I have been spending alot less time with them, that's why I will jump at any opportunity for such family-getaways. Hopefully we can go for a short getaway together, before I start working=)
Let me sneak in some totally out-of-point issues now..DIVING!! Trip is from 1st to 3rd Oct..Anybody on?!?! Let me know yea!!!
Okay I got to RUN now..I got 10 mins to sprint back to hall=S Toodles!!!!
Labels: family, I, me, random, scuba-diving
♥ silence fall upon
11:57 AM
11:57 AM
The Irreplaceable Void
Friday, August 20, 2010A couple of days ago, I received an email from my mum. For a few years now, my parents have been actively sending us emails (almost about everything & anything: warnings of scams, promotions, inspiring stories, jokes, incredible pictures, jaw-dropping experiences of people etc...) So of course this email did not come as a surprise. I opened it briefly on my BB, but upon looking at the WORDS (You know how lazy am I to read, especially on my very humble BB-screen..plus there were complex-chinese words!!!), I exited the screen. So yesterday I decided to read it (since my mum sent it, it must be good. My parents only send the good stuff :D), and I totally did not regret it. Imagine me tearing in the computer lab (Yes, my precious zebra is on his route to retirement. Hence, for heavyduty work, to the com lab it is:s), it was embarassing!! People must be wondering why the hell was I crying to a dead screen. Oh wells, but the story is OH-SO-AWESOME...really sad & touching..A STORY DEFINITELY WORTH SHARING:
(Note: super wordy post ahead!!!!)
The Irreplaceable Void
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!
Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, 'I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: "But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: "I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say......
I told my son, "Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy." My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
And one of the letters broke my heart....
Dear Mummy,
I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
(Notes from the email as well)
For the females with children:
For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of yourself so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.
For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.
Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.
Take care of yourself, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first.
With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
Hope the story was good for you too. Honestly, sometimes I feel that kids know more than what adults think they do. Many times, we feel that kids are just ignorant, that they will never understand the complexity of adult life and should never interrupt in adult matters. However, how true is that? Their innocence and simplicity may actually allow them to feel deeper about certain issues. On the other hand, adults may be plagued by the many distractions and "experiences" in life. Just a penny of my thoughts:)
I will be off to Batam for the weekend!!!:D
Have a brilliant weekend ahead everybody!!~Toodles:)
Labels: family, me, random, trips
♥ silence fall upon
1:06 PM
1:06 PM
come scuba-rush with me..
Monday, August 16, 2010I am uber close to signing up..just after I let my parents know, I WILL!
super duper long awaited..
so..ANYONE GAME FOR..
SCUBA-DIVING?!
"I am waiting for you.."
Labels: me, random, scuba-diving
♥ silence fall upon
10:47 AM
10:47 AM
BKK, its been a long time..
Thursday, August 5, 2010..off to BANGKOK in about an hour!!!
and its time to go..shop, shop, SHOP...
P.S. The Airport's free internet service is just abit *ahem* LAGGY!!
Labels: rants, Thailand, trips
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5:02 PM
5:02 PM
love at ALL sights..
Tuesday, August 3, 2010"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle." -Amy Bloom
I will love to create this miracle with you.
♥ silence fall upon
8:14 PM
8:14 PM